Joe Balaz

Three Hawaiian Islands Pidgin Poems


New scientific research
says dat humans can sniff out

moa den 1 trillion different kine scents.

Maybe dat explains da abilities
of Haunani Rose Dela Cruz.

Da study went on to say
dat humans even have wun nose foa danger.

Wen dey wen ask women
foa sniff sweat dat dey wen perspire earlier
undah uncomfortable conditions

dey made funny kine facial expressions
like dey wuz adjusting dere present emotions

to da scents dat dey wen smell.

No wondah Haunani Rose
always give da stink eye

to all da guys at work
trying to hit her up foa wun date—

she got wun powerful nose.

Da scientific paper also said

dat da fear or da disgust response
to wun smell
can occur inside da nose

before da signal
even reaches da brain

allowing foa wun ultra swift reaction.

Dats why wen da braddahs cut da cheese
Haunani Rose always disappears

before da full hurricane hits.

Foa wun woman
wit wun sensitive nose

it can be very important
in lovemaking and choosing wun mate too

because of all da pheromones
and stuff li’dat.

Dats why all da despicable guys at work
no moa chance wit Haunani Rose—

witout even tinking
she knows how to smell wun rat.


Sanitize da sidewalks
sanitize da view

everyting nice and shiny
in da tourist mecca zoo

now Waikiki stay all wonderful
cause no moa any bums on da street.

If you stay homeless
and you lie down on da ground

pretty soon you not going be around

cause dey going slap you
wit wun fine you no can pay.

Dats wun novel way

of getting rid
of wat you no like see—

scare ‘um out of town
or send dem off to jail

just foa being poor.

Give da cops wun scrub brush
and da city is sparkling clean

wit new rules
by da politicians

it's wun whole different scene.

Gottah keep da tourists
spending dere money

in wun vagrant free zone

and keep all da business guys happy.

So smile and say cheese

and snap your camera
in wun paradise unknown

as Waikiki gets wun facelift
to go wit its heart of stone.


Dey wen land on wun comet
da adah day

and da scientific community
stay all giddy

proclaiming it’s wun great step
for humankind

in understanding
da creation of da planet.

Same kine hype
wen dey wen land on da moon
45 years earlier—

da big chrome mega beast
marches on

while all da common people
get stomped on undah its feet.

Da nerds
at da space agency

cheer and shout
in dere bubble insulated jobs

while poverty remains rampant
all ovah da world.

So now dey like drill
into da surface of da comet

and analyze some dust and ice.

Moa bettah dey drill
into da surface
of da indifferent mind

and solve some of da problems
on earth first.

And wen do you tink
dat going happen you might ask?—

long aftah
dey playing golf on Loihi

planning dere next project
at da nineteenth hole.


cut da cheese

stink eye

To fart.
Like that.
Loihi is an active submarine volcano located off the southeast coast of the Big Island of Hawai'i below sea level. It is expected to begin emerging above sea level anywhere from 10,000 to 100,000 years from now.
To give someone a disapproving look.

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