Joe Balaz


Three Hawaiian Islands Pidgin Text Pieces


DATS WAT SHE DID


Joshua made da mistake of showing her wat he had as wun gift. Remy Kalima took advantage of dat. She turned da potential memory of wun shining sun into wun dark cloud.

                Remy wuz Joshua’s fellow workah at wun Waimanalo orchid nursery. She lived not dat far down da road in da same town. She wuz wun big fan of hip hop music, and Joshua told her about da concert dat he wuz going to dat evening. Aftah work he wuz going catch da bus. Dat wuz wen he nevah have wun car.

                Joshua wuz wun painter. He nevah paint houses dough. He worked wit canvas. Da buggah wuz wun pretty good artist. He wuz wun Bohemian in moa ways den one.

                Joshua’s friends wuz Bohemians too. Da kine dat play hip hop music. Dey wen put out wun cool cd and became popular locally. Dey wuz thrilled to find out wen dey wuz invited to be da opening act foa Tuku O’Brien. Da international hip hop star wuz coming to Hawaii to give wun concert. Joshua’s friends wen give him wun free ticket to see da show. He even got wun back stage pass too. He had ‘um in his jacket pocket hanging at his work station. Aftah work Joshua wuz going head straight to Honolulu to watch da show.

                Joshua punched out his time at work and walked to da bus stop. While he wuz waiting he reached into his pocket foa his monthly bus pass. At da same time he wanted to look at da concert ticket. It wuzn’t deah. Da back stage pass wuz gone too. Joshua nevah have any extra money on him. He nevah made it to da concert dat night.

                Da next morning dere wuz no remorse. Remy wen make like she nevah know nutting. It looked like she made wun fast move da day before. Maybe wen Joshua wuz in da restroom or someting. Even da boss knew wat happened. He wen talk to Remy in private. No can proof nutting dough. She wen just lie through her crooked teeth.

                Remy Kalima wuz wun island girl in wun place dat had wun bad rap. It had wun problem wit drugs and booze. Ripoffs in da community wuz wun common ting too.

                It’s kinnah sad to say wat happened. Remy wuz just adding to da hometown reputation.



OPIHI MAN


Opihi Man. Dat used to be wun guy in shorts and tabis wit wun knife looking for shellfish. Not anymoa, cause deah he stay jumping off of wun building and catching wun crook trying to rob wun old lady at da bus stop.

                Nowadays, our mysterious avenger stay everywheah. He look like wun Popolo Spiderman in
his black body suit. Check out da big white O on his forehead. Opihi Man strikes again!

                It wuz unbelievable wen he wen appear foa da first time at Ala Moana Center.

                Wun terrorist wit wun AK-47 wuz going shoot up da mall. Suddenly, our new hero came to da rescue. All da bullets wen bounce off his chest, and he wen knock out da gun nut wit wun solid punch to da face. Den he wen press his fingah to da O on his forehead and he wen just vanish into thin air. All da bystanders wuz astounded.

                Opihi Man wuz wun budding genius who paid extra attention in science class. Nevah underestimate wun public school education. He put it to good use latah wen he wen build wun lab in his basement foa do experiments. In da process he came up wit some unreal tings.

                He wen utilize opihi teeth, da strongest biological material on earth, and he wen combine it wit rubbah into wun innovative body suit. Because of dat he could jump ovah buildings and nutting could penetrate it.

                Da amount of weight dat natural opihi teeth can witstand is amazing. It’s comparable to wun strand of spaghetti holding up wun hippopotamus. Da secret is in da size of dere fibers dat stay 1/100th da diameter of wun human hair. Dat also means dat da ting is five times moa strong den most spider silks. No wondah Peter Parker is jealous.

                Opihi Man’s vanishing capabilities wuz even moa fascinating den dat. It wuz derived from quantum physics in anadah one of his breakthrough experiments. He wen engineer his discovery into wun button on his headband undahneath his body suit.

                Society owes wun debt of gratitude to dat bully back in high school who used to hijack Opihi Man’s lunch money. Dats why our champion eventually became wun crime fighter.
He stay altering da world around him now, and all da cops have moa time to cruise and eat moa doughnuts wit dere coffee.

                Opihi Man— I heard rumors he wuz experimenting wit stingray blood and electrochemical energy. I kannot wait to see wat he going come up wit next.



REALLY DEEP


Michael wondered
why anyone would say dat.


People like to talk
wen dey look from da outside.

Some of dem
just crush da silver lining

and hang out da black drapes—


“He wuz
always into local kine ways

but he’s been away
foa so many years.

You tink

he would at least
come back and visit one of dese days.

Maybe he tink
he’s bettah den us or someting.”


It’s not dat at all, brah,
cause adah factors are involved.

You might speculate
and insinuate

but everybody

got different kine numbers
to da equation.


Da ting is

sometimes love and affection
foa wun place

can run really deep.


As moa time goes on
and da hairs begin to gray

you kinnah accept da distance

and keep da memories
bright and fresh.


Returning home
foa wun splintered moment

is wun heavy twist upon da heart

wen you can foresee
dat you going have to leave again.

Ala Moana Center buggah brah Honolulu, Waimanalo opihi Popolo tabi

Shopping center on the island of O'ahu. A person, especially a male. Bro; brother. Towns on the island of O'ahu. Limpet. A person of African descent. A traditional Japanese fishing shoe.

Joe Balaz writes in Hawaiian Islands Pidgin (Hawai'i Creole English) and American-English. He edited Ho'omanoa: An Anthology of Contemporary Hawaiian Literature.

Balaz is an avid supporter of Hawaiian Islands Pidgin writing in the expanding context of World Literature. He presently lives in Ohio.
 
 
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