Christopher Barnes

Adverts 5

Cityscape Bijou Enterprises

Hanker after a real estate portfolio,
A modest outlay?
      (Celadon Pontiac Safari.)

Lease apertures joining billboards,
Retain or hire out
Tucked away warehousing.
      (Infinity past field glasses.)

Embark on your moving dominion speculations,
A rare, welcome break.

“Daddy-Is-That-You?” ™ Mouldings

Hassled by undesirable callers
Rat-tat-tatting at your door?
      (Welcome mat, night black garden.)

Our spongeable-gore plastic hacked torsos
Are certified foreboding.
      (Smirking kitten though curtains.)

Ears judder with howls
Watch em bolt into traffic.


Ever been stumped in an “Oops I didn’t twig
This was a formal affair” jiffy?
      (Tiara, Marni robe.)

Our tie stamp cracks the plight.
Flip in ink, roll on shirt.
      (Patent kerb-reflecting shoes.)

Quick wits for that smart guise.

Ooooooh You!

“Pin-Up Glossy” ™ signature issue –
Traject us an album of someone uncared for,
We’ll photoshop them in dazzling nibs.
      (Journos short-zoom through railings.)
Each page tickles pink;
Your depicted self-confidence buds’ll rate you
And themselves.

“Strings” ™ Home Treatments


With our unseeable yarn
Facial adjustment bundle.
      (Hunk models glowing in mirror.)


Equipped with hygiene pads,
Needles. User-friendly directions.
      (Twin sisters hemming each other.)


Have a stab at youthful life
That melts away in water.
By playfully inspired!

Christopher Barnes' first collection LOVEBITES was published by Chanticleer Press. He reads for Proudwords lesbian and gay writing festival each year, partakes in workshops, and co-edited the poetry magazine Interpoetry.
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