john sweet
the ruined throne
born of outcasts and then
an outcast yourself
broken hands
digging in frozen soil
a small comfort at least
knowing you’re better than the
soldiers who slaughter children on
the orders of rabid dogs and then
a bitter day towards the
end of winter
woman down the street wakes up
with a hangover to discover
she’s smothered
her baby during the night
first thought is to run
her despair is only for herself
sunlight like a silent scream
and the wind everywhere
the deaths of lesser gods
reported and then forgotten
we wait for the phone to ring
and we wait for the roof
to collapse and
we wait
no heart
no central motion
no heat
no core
close your eyes and what you
feel is the world we’ve
spent our lifetimes building
starting to tear itself apart
briefly, and in flames
a week of luminous
grey skies and damp heat
a lifetime of inadequate saviors
starlings and grackles and
dingy laundry refusing to dry in
overrun back yards
are you still here?
are you still expecting mercy?
                              absolution?
no one wants to know about love
when the house is on fire
no one cares about an indifferent god
but that’s all you’ve ever had,
fucker
four walls and a door and your
life seen through dirty windows
the ruined bodies of nuns buried in
the sandy soil between
one starving country and the next and
how much could we get for
their bones?
who puts these prices on
human misery?
we have been lying to each other
for so long now that
anything less feels obscene
a phone, ringing
you are thinking of words
and then you are saying them
you are writing them down
and hoping for religion
for illumination
and look at all of those
who have failed before you
look at the priests
with their pedophile god
at the children with their
tongues cut out
was this the world you imagined?
do you remember asking lennon
if he knew who he was
as he lay bleeding to death on a
dirty sidewalk?
and maybe he answered or
maybe not and
maybe the car was going too fast
your grandfather drunk but
aware of what he was doing
the house not a home
but a prison
windows and doors and the
potential they held for being broken
whatever reasons you had for
wanting in or wanting out
always this need to keep moving
with impermanence, with hope
the nothingness of grey sky
seen through cheap plastic blinds
message on the answering machine from
the guy who put the chimney cap on,
says you need a liner, too
says it’s the condensation that tears
everything apart from the inside out
noon
saturday
november
one corner of the ceiling in this
room cracked and discolored
leaves clogging the gutters
the poem is
an admission of defeat
i can write i love you or i
can write i hate myself
i can find some middle ground
where all of the missing
children are buried
houses where the rooms they
disappeared from are untouched
for years, for decades
pictures thick with dust
the nothingness of
forgotten moments
a grey sky seen through a
dirty windshield as i drive to
pick up my sons from their
mother’s apartment
i have wasted my life clinging
to so many useless fears
john sweet, b 1968, still numbered among the living. A believer in writing as catharsis. Opposed to all organized religion and political parties. His latest collections include APPROXIMATE WILDERNESS (2016 Flutter Press) and the limited edition chapbooks HEATHEN TONGUE (2018 Kendra Steiner Editions) and A BASTARD CHILD IN THE KINGDOM OF NIL (2018 Analog Submission Press). All pertinent facts about his life are buried somewhere in his writing.
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the ruined throne
born of outcasts and then
an outcast yourself
broken hands
digging in frozen soil
a small comfort at least
knowing you’re better than the
soldiers who slaughter children on
the orders of rabid dogs and then
a bitter day towards the
end of winter
woman down the street wakes up
with a hangover to discover
she’s smothered
her baby during the night
first thought is to run
her despair is only for herself
sunlight like a silent scream
and the wind everywhere
the deaths of lesser gods
reported and then forgotten
we wait for the phone to ring
and we wait for the roof
to collapse and
we wait
no heart
no central motion
no heat
no core
close your eyes and what you
feel is the world we’ve
spent our lifetimes building
starting to tear itself apart
briefly, and in flames
a week of luminous
grey skies and damp heat
a lifetime of inadequate saviors
starlings and grackles and
dingy laundry refusing to dry in
overrun back yards
are you still here?
are you still expecting mercy?
                              absolution?
no one wants to know about love
when the house is on fire
no one cares about an indifferent god
but that’s all you’ve ever had,
fucker
four walls and a door and your
life seen through dirty windows
the ruined bodies of nuns buried in
the sandy soil between
one starving country and the next and
how much could we get for
their bones?
who puts these prices on
human misery?
we have been lying to each other
for so long now that
anything less feels obscene
a phone, ringing
you are thinking of words
and then you are saying them
you are writing them down
and hoping for religion
for illumination
and look at all of those
who have failed before you
look at the priests
with their pedophile god
at the children with their
tongues cut out
was this the world you imagined?
do you remember asking lennon
if he knew who he was
as he lay bleeding to death on a
dirty sidewalk?
and maybe he answered or
maybe not and
maybe the car was going too fast
your grandfather drunk but
aware of what he was doing
the house not a home
but a prison
windows and doors and the
potential they held for being broken
whatever reasons you had for
wanting in or wanting out
always this need to keep moving
with impermanence, with hope
the nothingness of grey sky
seen through cheap plastic blinds
message on the answering machine from
the guy who put the chimney cap on,
says you need a liner, too
says it’s the condensation that tears
everything apart from the inside out
noon
saturday
november
one corner of the ceiling in this
room cracked and discolored
leaves clogging the gutters
the poem is
an admission of defeat
i can write i love you or i
can write i hate myself
i can find some middle ground
where all of the missing
children are buried
houses where the rooms they
disappeared from are untouched
for years, for decades
pictures thick with dust
the nothingness of
forgotten moments
a grey sky seen through a
dirty windshield as i drive to
pick up my sons from their
mother’s apartment
i have wasted my life clinging
to so many useless fears
john sweet, b 1968, still numbered among the living. A believer in writing as catharsis. Opposed to all organized religion and political parties. His latest collections include APPROXIMATE WILDERNESS (2016 Flutter Press) and the limited edition chapbooks HEATHEN TONGUE (2018 Kendra Steiner Editions) and A BASTARD CHILD IN THE KINGDOM OF NIL (2018 Analog Submission Press). All pertinent facts about his life are buried somewhere in his writing.
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