nick nelson


the way you wear your hat

can i say something to you? why not? it is something i have been meaning to say for a long time. spit it out. it is kind of personal. that is all right, i am a personal kind of person. i don’t like your style. what? i don’t like your style. i never have. my style? i did not know i had a style. i thought i was just a person. everybody has a style. i just don’t like yours. what is wrong with it? wait - before we get into the particulars of what is wrong with it, why don’t you describe to me just what this so called style of mine is? style is notoriously difficult to describe. try. i think you owe me that much. it is just something people have. is it the way i walk? the way i talk? the way you walk - yes, now that you mention it, that has something to do with it. how, exactly? it is the way you lift your foot up, like you were almost ready to take a graceful step, and then you just clump it down flat on the ground, it’s called walking. most people do it, unless they run everywhere, or are in a wheelchair. there is just something about the way you do it. i just don’t like it. anything else? the way you wear your hat, always perfectly straight on your head. never the slightest deviation to the left or right, or backwards or forwards. there is something brutish and totalitarian about it, portending an authoritarian personality. i bet you voted for trump, didn’t you? i beg your pardon, i did no such thing! but in your secret totalitarian heart, you wished you did. style doesn’t lie. well, that is enough about the way i wear my hat, how about the way i sip my tea? i never noticed that you drank tea, i don’t, i am a coffee person, and always have been. i have to admit i have never noticed anything particular about the way you drink your coffee. in a spirit of full disclosure, i sometimes accept a cup of hot chocolate when i visit my grandmother. i have never accompanied you on a visit to your grandmother, so i really can’t make any observations on that score. probably just as well. is there anything else you can tell me about my deficient style? not in so many words. i never suspected you had such a keen awareness of style. it just goes to show that you never know what other people are thinking. i do not know what i am thinking myself half the time. neither do i. well, it has been very educational talking to you. goodbye for now. have a nice rest of your day.

nick nelson is another member of the Pessoan ensemble that is the horace p. sternwall stable of writers. They have a number of books available on lulu as by the 'total dissatisfaction press' and now also on Amazon.

 
 

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