Jim Meirose
One Moment Please While We Adjust the Equipment
First Attempt: Trial Roll to McGunderson’s:
Go-gone=<> / 1aa / ‘i’ ‘f’ ‘D’ / 2z / ‘wif’ ‘ff’ ‘cDa’ / 3y / ‘dwife’ off’n ‘acDad’ / 4x / ‘idwifer’ off’n MacDadd’ keep on go fast/ 5w / Midwiferi’ ooff’n MacDaddy / 6v / Midwiferin’ ooff’nn MMacDaddyy go go go faster/ 7u / Midwifering oooff’nnn MMMacDaddyddyyy higher faster/ 8t / MMidwiferingg ooooff’nnnn MMMMacDaddyyyy higher faster go/ 9s / MMidw’feringg ooo’ff’nnnn MMMMa’Daddyyyy go go go go go/ 8.5r / MMid’feringg ooo’f’nnnn MMMMa’addyyyy g’g’g’ go/ 8q / MMid’’eringg ooo’’nnnn MMMM’’addyyyy =hold it=/ 7.5p / MMid’ringg ooo’nnn MMM’addyyyy hold it please hold/ 7o / MMid’ingg oo’nnn MMM’ddyyyy =hold=it=/ 6.5n / MMi’’ingg oo’’nn MMM’’dyyyy =hold it please ho=/ 6m / MMi’’one’ngg oo’’n MM’moment’dyyyy / 5.5l / MM’’please’’=hold it while=‘ngg o’’while’n MM’’we’yyyy / 5k / MM’’adjust’’gg ‘the’n MM’equipment’yyy / 4.5j / M’one’’gg ‘moment’ M’please’’yyy / 4i / M’while we’’g ‘adjust the’’ M’equipment one moment please’’yy / 3.5h / M’while we adjust the equipment one moment’’g ‘please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we adjust’’ M’the equipment one moment please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we’y / 3g / M’adjust the equipment one moment please while we adjust the equipment ‘one moment please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we’ adjust the equipment adjust the equipment adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please’’y / 2.5f / ‘ adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please adjust please adjust’ / 2e / please adjust please adjust please please adjust the adjust the please adjust the equipment please please please / 1.5d / please please please ‘lease ‘leas’ ‘eas’ / 1c / please! Please! adjust the equipment please so that we/ .5b / ’hat’!!!!’e’ / 0a / ’!!!!’ / 000 / !! / 0000(tm) / <>__________________
Second Attempt: Please Discontinue This Behavior or be Straightjacketed:
Hey this turkey looks sweet__________________Now here is something’s completely wrong>< / )mt(0000 / !! / 000 / ’!!!!’ / a0 / ’e’!!!!’tah’ / b5. /ew taht os esaelp tnempiuqe eht tsujda ! when’d you ever see such luscious-looking roast turkey / c1 / ’sae‘ ’sael‘ esael‘ esaelp Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? / d5.1 / heavens to betsy can that woman cook esaelp tnempiuqe eht tsujda hand the carving knife here I’ll take a stab esaelp tsujda Now here is something’s completely wrong / e2 / ‘I used to do this in the army you know hey? tsujda? esaelp? tnempiuqe? There! Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? eht tsujda esaelp tnempiuqe sliced thin like this God eht tsujda esaelp tnempiuqe‘ / f5.2 / Now here is something’s completely wrong y’’esaelp tnempiuqe Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? esaelp tnempiuqe its so luscious so juicy tnempiuqe eht and that pie to have after; God! This is indeed a red-letter day! eht tsujda ‘ew Now here is something’s completely wrong elihw tnemom it was like this in the old country—you know the old country? tnempiuqe ew elihw Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? tnemom Do you know? eno tnempiuqe ew elihw eno ‘‘ ‘ tnempiuqe They served three hundred of us turkey with all the trimmings in shifts of fifty at a time ew elihw esaelp tnemom ‘M / g3 / y’ew tnemom and each shift only had fifteen minutes to eat eno tnempiuqe there was no salad no eno tnempiuqe ’M ‘’ Now here is something’s completely wrong ew elihw and there was no dessert but the turkey tnemom eno yah the roast turkey—its the thought that counts. You know? eht ew elihw g’ Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? tnempiuqe Do you like it better now, Ben eht ew ’M / h5.3 / yy’ tnemom How I make it for you now, Ben eno’M ’M / i4 / yyy’’ Yes of’M ‘course, hon, tnemom’ gg’ I like it better I like everything better now ‘M / j5.4 / yyy’tnempiuqe’ Now here is something’s completely wrong MM n’eht’ gg’’tsujda now that we are married. You know? ‘’MM / k5 / yyyy’ew’’Yes but will it be the same after ten years or MM n’elihw’’o ggn’=elihw ti loh=twenty or twenty-five years you know? Or ‘’esaelp’’MM / l Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? 5.5 / yyyyd’tnemom’MM n’’oo ggn’eno’’iMM thirty of forty, or even (my God!) / m6 /=oh esaelp ti dloh= yyyyd’’ Now here is something’s completely wrong MMM nn’’oo ggni’’iMM / n5.6 /=ti=dloh= yyyydd’MMM nnn’ Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? ‘oo ggni’diMM / o7 /dloh Fifty. You know? esaelp ti dloh yyyydda’MMM nnn’ooo ggnir’diMM Down Bermuda where we swam in the cavern you know? / p5.7 /=ti dloh= yyyydda’’MMMM nnnn’’ooo ggnire’’diMM / q8 Now here is something’s completely wrong /og ’g’g’g yyyydda’aMMMM Remember down Bermuda where we swam in the cold yes nnnn’f’ooo ggniref’diMM / r5.8 /og og og og og yyyyddaD’aMMMM Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? nnnn’ff’ooo the ice cold caverns down ‘n Bermuda, you know? ggniref’wdiMM / s9 /og retsaf rehgih Sure I know. I know everything you know don’t you think I do know do you? yyyyddaDcaMMMM nnnn’ffoooo Ah do you? ggnirefiwdiMM / t8 /retsaf rehgih Now here is something’s completely wrong yyyddyddaDcaMMM Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? nnn’ffooo Ah do? gnirefiwdiM / u7 /retsaf og og og yyddaDcaMM nn’ffoo Do you? ’nirefiwdiM / v6 Because if you don’t then I—/ yddaDcaM n’ffoo ’irefiwdiM / Now here is something’s completely wrong w5 /tsaf og no peek ’ddaDcaM n’ffo ’refiwdi‘ What? What if I don’t know? What if? / x4 / ’daDca‘ n’ffo ’efiwd‘ / y3 / ’aDc‘ ’ff‘ ’fiw‘ / z2 / ’D‘ ’f‘ ’i‘ / aa1 / ><=enog-oG What if? Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? No, no. We are here for the turkey it will get cold let’s eat.
BBut we were talking, and I--no, no, the turkey will get want to get cold, s' let’s do that tomorrow, but know for now its the turkey’s what we’re here for what; okay?
No. To tell you the truth, no.
Then you’re an idiot!
Please pass the gravy.
Third Attempt: Do not Listen; Do be Damned:
All right since we are about to go down with the ship (no hope no hope no no no) I can feel free to tell you what I really::what you really what what have you been holding back from me=the water’s rising the water n’ waters=:
Jim Meirose's short work has appeared in numerous venues, and his published novels include No and Maybe - Maybe and No (Pski's Porch). Le Overgivers au Club de la Résurrection (Mannequin Haus), Understanding Franklin Thompson (JEF pubs), and Sunday Dinner with Father Dwyer (Optional books). Info at www.jimmeirose.com @jwmeirose
One Moment Please While We Adjust the Equipment
First Attempt: Trial Roll to McGunderson’s:
Go-gone=<> / 1aa / ‘i’ ‘f’ ‘D’ / 2z / ‘wif’ ‘ff’ ‘cDa’ / 3y / ‘dwife’ off’n ‘acDad’ / 4x / ‘idwifer’ off’n MacDadd’ keep on go fast/ 5w / Midwiferi’ ooff’n MacDaddy / 6v / Midwiferin’ ooff’nn MMacDaddyy go go go faster/ 7u / Midwifering oooff’nnn MMMacDaddyddyyy higher faster/ 8t / MMidwiferingg ooooff’nnnn MMMMacDaddyyyy higher faster go/ 9s / MMidw’feringg ooo’ff’nnnn MMMMa’Daddyyyy go go go go go/ 8.5r / MMid’feringg ooo’f’nnnn MMMMa’addyyyy g’g’g’ go/ 8q / MMid’’eringg ooo’’nnnn MMMM’’addyyyy =hold it=/ 7.5p / MMid’ringg ooo’nnn MMM’addyyyy hold it please hold/ 7o / MMid’ingg oo’nnn MMM’ddyyyy =hold=it=/ 6.5n / MMi’’ingg oo’’nn MMM’’dyyyy =hold it please ho=/ 6m / MMi’’one’ngg oo’’n MM’moment’dyyyy / 5.5l / MM’’please’’=hold it while=‘ngg o’’while’n MM’’we’yyyy / 5k / MM’’adjust’’gg ‘the’n MM’equipment’yyy / 4.5j / M’one’’gg ‘moment’ M’please’’yyy / 4i / M’while we’’g ‘adjust the’’ M’equipment one moment please’’yy / 3.5h / M’while we adjust the equipment one moment’’g ‘please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we adjust’’ M’the equipment one moment please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we’y / 3g / M’adjust the equipment one moment please while we adjust the equipment ‘one moment please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we adjust the equipment one moment please while we’ adjust the equipment adjust the equipment adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please’’y / 2.5f / ‘ adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please adjust the equipment please adjust please adjust’ / 2e / please adjust please adjust please please adjust the adjust the please adjust the equipment please please please / 1.5d / please please please ‘lease ‘leas’ ‘eas’ / 1c / please! Please! adjust the equipment please so that we/ .5b / ’hat’!!!!’e’ / 0a / ’!!!!’ / 000 / !! / 0000(tm) / <>__________________
Second Attempt: Please Discontinue This Behavior or be Straightjacketed:
Hey this turkey looks sweet__________________Now here is something’s completely wrong>< / )mt(0000 / !! / 000 / ’!!!!’ / a0 / ’e’!!!!’tah’ / b5. /ew taht os esaelp tnempiuqe eht tsujda ! when’d you ever see such luscious-looking roast turkey / c1 / ’sae‘ ’sael‘ esael‘ esaelp Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? / d5.1 / heavens to betsy can that woman cook esaelp tnempiuqe eht tsujda hand the carving knife here I’ll take a stab esaelp tsujda Now here is something’s completely wrong / e2 / ‘I used to do this in the army you know hey? tsujda? esaelp? tnempiuqe? There! Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? eht tsujda esaelp tnempiuqe sliced thin like this God eht tsujda esaelp tnempiuqe‘ / f5.2 / Now here is something’s completely wrong y’’esaelp tnempiuqe Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? esaelp tnempiuqe its so luscious so juicy tnempiuqe eht and that pie to have after; God! This is indeed a red-letter day! eht tsujda ‘ew Now here is something’s completely wrong elihw tnemom it was like this in the old country—you know the old country? tnempiuqe ew elihw Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? tnemom Do you know? eno tnempiuqe ew elihw eno ‘‘ ‘ tnempiuqe They served three hundred of us turkey with all the trimmings in shifts of fifty at a time ew elihw esaelp tnemom ‘M / g3 / y’ew tnemom and each shift only had fifteen minutes to eat eno tnempiuqe there was no salad no eno tnempiuqe ’M ‘’ Now here is something’s completely wrong ew elihw and there was no dessert but the turkey tnemom eno yah the roast turkey—its the thought that counts. You know? eht ew elihw g’ Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? tnempiuqe Do you like it better now, Ben eht ew ’M / h5.3 / yy’ tnemom How I make it for you now, Ben eno’M ’M / i4 / yyy’’ Yes of’M ‘course, hon, tnemom’ gg’ I like it better I like everything better now ‘M / j5.4 / yyy’tnempiuqe’ Now here is something’s completely wrong MM n’eht’ gg’’tsujda now that we are married. You know? ‘’MM / k5 / yyyy’ew’’Yes but will it be the same after ten years or MM n’elihw’’o ggn’=elihw ti loh=twenty or twenty-five years you know? Or ‘’esaelp’’MM / l Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? 5.5 / yyyyd’tnemom’MM n’’oo ggn’eno’’iMM thirty of forty, or even (my God!) / m6 /=oh esaelp ti dloh= yyyyd’’ Now here is something’s completely wrong MMM nn’’oo ggni’’iMM / n5.6 /=ti=dloh= yyyydd’MMM nnn’ Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? ‘oo ggni’diMM / o7 /dloh Fifty. You know? esaelp ti dloh yyyydda’MMM nnn’ooo ggnir’diMM Down Bermuda where we swam in the cavern you know? / p5.7 /=ti dloh= yyyydda’’MMMM nnnn’’ooo ggnire’’diMM / q8 Now here is something’s completely wrong /og ’g’g’g yyyydda’aMMMM Remember down Bermuda where we swam in the cold yes nnnn’f’ooo ggniref’diMM / r5.8 /og og og og og yyyyddaD’aMMMM Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? nnnn’ff’ooo the ice cold caverns down ‘n Bermuda, you know? ggniref’wdiMM / s9 /og retsaf rehgih Sure I know. I know everything you know don’t you think I do know do you? yyyyddaDcaMMMM nnnn’ffoooo Ah do you? ggnirefiwdiMM / t8 /retsaf rehgih Now here is something’s completely wrong yyyddyddaDcaMMM Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? nnn’ffooo Ah do? gnirefiwdiM / u7 /retsaf og og og yyddaDcaMM nn’ffoo Do you? ’nirefiwdiM / v6 Because if you don’t then I—/ yddaDcaM n’ffoo ’irefiwdiM / Now here is something’s completely wrong w5 /tsaf og no peek ’ddaDcaM n’ffo ’refiwdi‘ What? What if I don’t know? What if? / x4 / ’daDca‘ n’ffo ’efiwd‘ / y3 / ’aDc‘ ’ff‘ ’fiw‘ / z2 / ’D‘ ’f‘ ’i‘ / aa1 / ><=enog-oG What if? Can you see it? Can you see why it’s completely wrong? No, no. We are here for the turkey it will get cold let’s eat.
BBut we were talking, and I--no, no, the turkey will get want to get cold, s' let’s do that tomorrow, but know for now its the turkey’s what we’re here for what; okay?
No. To tell you the truth, no.
Then you’re an idiot!
Please pass the gravy.
Third Attempt: Do not Listen; Do be Damned:
All right since we are about to go down with the ship (no hope no hope no no no) I can feel free to tell you what I really::what you really what what have you been holding back from me=the water’s rising the water n’ waters=:
Jim Meirose's short work has appeared in numerous venues, and his published novels include No and Maybe - Maybe and No (Pski's Porch). Le Overgivers au Club de la Résurrection (Mannequin Haus), Understanding Franklin Thompson (JEF pubs), and Sunday Dinner with Father Dwyer (Optional books). Info at www.jimmeirose.com @jwmeirose
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