Rebecca Rom-Frank


Wow the car bounces. This planet. Doesn’t everything remind U of blood now? Mike gets me. Planet road goes for dos-plus-tres days. Met an alien named Schlitz. Air here’s potent like, fifty percent helium. Yr basically always drinking from a helium balloon. Talk like this or this. Slamwave—that’s a color humans can’t see Schlitz told me about it apparently won’t show up on yr credit card that’s not luck. Aliens download everything from Earth. Socket ti-ti-ta-ta. Obviously life sounds an octave higher here. Yr head explodes after awhile at least I thought it was joking imagine songs, books, movies SHET! they know about pirates. Awwwwww man! Car crash. Gotta prepare for the car crash. If Mike kills me I’ll kill him one-eyed no picnic we whispered about teleportation amongst plates o’ red rock ‘cause the car is gonna have a funeral when U get back to Earth. This is actually serious. A dog whizzes by its paws are strapped down to a skateboard. Hey. That dog must be in hell. Pitch hound’s going nuts we gotta get him back to Earth or he’ll die a baby. An alien at the Oxygen Bar told us about his connect he’s going to book us some status on the gov’t elevator that takes U to the core of the planet where U tell alien kings about yr problems. Straight shot down we made it down to the gov’t office. When yr an alien U love downloading earth personalities. Men stood around all business suits leaning in business suits making big changes to their business suits. All of ‘em had camelhair backpacks full of oxygen to keep their voices slow out here that’s classy. Every time the man-things spoke they sucked their oxygen out of a plastic tube. One of them said: Give my lunch to the queen if you love it. The oxygen wears off in seconds. A badger beamed is a brand-name bagger said another. Endless supply. Winks all around. I like yr wig. Mike and I pitched them our lives and our problems they were glad to meet Earthlings they wanted to hang out. Virgin thunder. I bowed and asked very nicely again if we could please use their teleportation technologies. Head honcho stood. This planet contains a number of high-energy inventors whose methods are —— sacred, so we must decide amongst ourselves if you two are good candidates. We would have to hang out with them for awhile I had to pee a sipping alien strode after me. And just where do you think yr slow, it said.

Rebecca Rom-Frank is a recent graduate of the writing program at Bard College. She currently resides in her hometown of Northampton, Massachusetts, where she edits documentary films and plays guitar in a punk rock band called Funsuck.
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