Jim Meirose
Hey! Buddha’s in the Road
Interesting article in the paper this morning Cardinal—I had no idea George Stephenson used the four foot eight and one half inch gauge, including a belated extra half inch of free movement to reduce binding on curves, for the Liverpool and Manchester Railway, authorized in eighteen twenty-six and opened on September thirtieth eighteen thirty—did you know that?
Sure, sure—what? said the Cardinal—uh. I wasn’t quite listening. What did you say?
Not listening again? Okay. Let me read the whole story to you then. Maybe I can keep your attention that way. Here—it says that Stephenson’s reasoning was that when something no no actually any old thing slams hot against any Catholic grammar school blackboard’s frontside it will bounce back and then, if still alive will experience pain and possibly an entire series of probable injuries, but—the Cardinal’s lips failed to open generating the automatically forming thing called silence to boil up into the vacuum of perceived terrestrial poundin’ sounds—there are other vacuums beside air vacuums sweet Paulie there are other non-air vacuums Paulie that nature abhors tell me tell—ah ah and the Cardinal froze in the rapidly expanding block of hard quiet that since, because it is invisible to humans, in reality yah that word again—in reality it forms into a massive perfectly cubical three dimensional zone of deep blue quiet which depending on the importance of the occasion number one, and the amount of money the subject quieted is costing whoever paid them to perform any type of activity at all which would require the subject to make noise of any kind speechkind or poundkind yellkind or screamkind eagle-Eagleton’s methodical non-quietude w’rasslin’ matches or sum such hoot’n hollery-boppkind; will range in size from a tiny blue dot upwardly incremented in sizes corresponding to the raw length of the last crispilyburnt German sausage ingested by the subject no matter how long ago up to a maximum size of a parsec high a parsec wide a parsec deeply longly and widely all you got to do is call and I’ll be there but; if never a German sausage was ingested by the subject then Kick out the Jams Brudda’ Thunka’ open up and talk yon pothole brained pseudo-demon, talk you were talking to Paul you had to say something so—however, on the other hand, if the same any old thing slams hot against the blackboard backside the same old thing will clobber on through one million holy holes in a million little oozes like a million toothpaste tubetips squeezing out slimoli-slimola ut’da gaggledy gag gag gag and reform on the frontside in one of two ways; one, it will stop after filling the being of any kind at all of chalked up on the board figure words numbers scrawls squiggles or what have you it will stop stick fail and exist there forever unless an equal to or greater blow occurs against it which will push it back out through out the back of the board and it will have been lucky—like we were lucky brother Jim—or Paul—or whomever you self-crank yourselves to be trademarked as hup—such a blow as the shockwave of a big Steinway in lushly full bloom as teleported in so superhotly before us thirty seconds ago hey hey hey wat’sa wat’sa wat’sa wat’sa hupp? Does that sum in a nutshell your thoughtbulb my Paulie?
Yes. Well put, quite clear. But let’s not get frenzied and club the deal down. We got a shot one shot that shot this shot—we need to package up like some salad all the words representing those real-world hard objects we need to go out get and then go back in from where we got them. First forward then backward; as in First Eric then Myself. You know, that immortal line he repeated again and again and again but; not now, bacon man. There’s no piggies either brawny or puny hereabouts, so; get it Cardinal? I can’t make it plainer up or down more or less. Repeat me back so I know now too—but—but—b-b-b-b-ut—more plainer.
We need to make a list of what supplied we want Rubbinschteen the war dodger and his henchgang to spirit out to, grab up, and spirit back to spread at our feet. Then I can kill him Anvil-Man Paulie oh Paulie dear Paulie?
Uh, well—
Oh then can I kill him dear Paulie my sweet?
Put that way my darling in holiness I may allow it yes. But—let us put together the list—here at this table—what we need is here stacked—see the life which has formed about us? We simply think that we need it and it is supplied. Quite wonderful quite the wonder we’re blessed with. So sit there and I here let us grip these brand new Bics and slide gleaming white sheets from this ream beside and let us writ-write—by hand. Of course—but there’s a rule. I went down one day—stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule all stricter than the strictest heh heh tape measure; a tape measure is a simple but essential tool that every plumber must have there’s a rule it’s used in measuring various dimensions of the plumbing system all stricter than the strictest heh heh adjustable wrenches there’s a rule all wrenches vary with the size of the jaw head, shape, purpose as well as their handle size stricter than the strictest heh heh screwdrivers there’s a rule I went down to see a gypsy woman just one day, yes I did—all stricter than the strictest heh heh pipe and tube cutters there’s a rule I wanna find out—all stricter than the gloves goggles and ear plugs strictest heh heh there’s a rule what's wrong with me and my baby—teflon tape all stricter than the strictest heh heh hacksaw and handsaw there’s a rule we ain't been getting down like we used to do—all small and large flashlights stricter than the strictest heh long and short shovels heh there’s a rule I mean it's pretty good now—all Vise Grip pliers stricter than the strictest sledgehammer heh heh there’s round and flat files a rule but there was a time when it didn't work out—claw and ball-peen hammers all stricter than the needle-nose pliers as well as the caulking gun strictest heh heh there’s a trowel rule too well yay they be; all hosepipes stricter basin spanners than steps and ladders the strictest hammers heh lighting kit and adjustable and waste pipe slicers torch heh sink tap spanners there’s a play with this baby dance the hell out o’ her rule I went down to see this gypsy woman, you understand—all stricter seventy five percent water and sixty percent fat obviously irreparably deviated headtop brain-bulbs neatly in there hey hey they’ll aid you in cutting materials such as plastics and wood than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule and I told her my story—all stricter than the strictest heh heh ear plugs, goggles, and gloves should be in your plumbing tools list to minimize the severity of injuries and enhance your safety there’s a rule I told her what was going on—all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule the late Cardinal Sierra busted up the joint huppa huppa all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule and she turned to me and she said—all stricter than the strictest heh heh as a plumber, you’ll be expected to work in different settings; as a result, you’ll always be at risk of injury there’s a rule; All you need—all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule; All you need—all stricter than the strictest heh heh they help in either screwing or unscrewing a wide variety of connections with the aid of nuts and nails there’s a rule; All you got to have—all stricter than the strictest heh heh they are used to cut both metallic and plastic equipment and should be part of your plumbing tools list there’s a rule; Just a touch, that's all you gotta have—all stricter than the strictest heh heh these plumbing tools have adjustable heads to fit the size of the tube or pipe there’s a rule; Just a touch of mojo hand—all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule it is the smallest positive integer requiring three syllables and the largest prime number with a single-morpheme name all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule; and it feels pretty good; all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule such things as that need to be shelved while the war requires a good man’s help all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule the timing of Beethoven's early publications was shrewdly calculated all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule all stricter than adjustable wrenches the strictest heh heh there’s a rule all stricter than the screwdrivers should also be included in your plumbing tools list strictest heh heh there’s a rule which says the best wrench-men do high quality work, quickly respond to calls, and understand what other plumbing repairs may be needed all stricter than the strictest heh heh both the hacksaw and handsaw are essential items on your plumbing tools list there’s a rule says that the second movement is famous for its intimations of later tragic slow movements, as well as for its own beauty all stricter than the strictest this movement will play a critical role in holding, turning, removing or even fitting plumbing pipes and fixtures, which is why these should also be included in your plumbing tools list heh heh there’s a rule there’s pens fit for this kind of big swine and pens fit for those kind of big swine too all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule in the city limits you want that? Think again honey think hard and harder all stricter than that yea, you do; the strictest heh heh teflon tape is used on faucets, pipes as well as other components of the plumbing system to ensure that the connections are tight and leak-proof there’s a rule all zoning board zinging board flinging board right hot at your—many many Chinese yen it may cost ya’ and there’s none in this bank big sucka’ no none; stricter than the strictest heh heh then I can kill him Anvil-Man Paulie oh Paulie dear Paulie there’s a rule all stricter than the strictest heh heh tape measure they come in different sizes and shapes oh then can I kill him dear Paulie my sweet—uh uh, soooo; Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment. Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment to take care of something. Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment to take care of something, and often implies a situation. Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment to take care of something, and often implies a situation of urgent danger or emergency; of urgent danger or emergency; yes often implies a situation of urgent danger or emergency—to take care of something—and ut ut ut ut ut ut uh—okay, okay—but let’s skip the slow movement and dance forward directly into the finale, as; and often implies a situation of urgent danger or emergency like that we have down here yah today.
Thus:
In conclusion the success of this project led to Stephenson and his son Robert being employed to engineer several other larger railway projects. Thus, the four foot eight-and-a-half-inch gauge became widespread and dominant in Britain—but, Robert was reported to have said that if he had had a second chance to choose a standard gauge, he would have chosen one wider than that finally used; "I would take a few inches more—” he said, “But—”
He paused to cough lightly into one hand, then said:
“Very, very few.”
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Hey! Buddha’s in the Road
Interesting article in the paper this morning Cardinal—I had no idea George Stephenson used the four foot eight and one half inch gauge, including a belated extra half inch of free movement to reduce binding on curves, for the Liverpool and Manchester Railway, authorized in eighteen twenty-six and opened on September thirtieth eighteen thirty—did you know that?
Sure, sure—what? said the Cardinal—uh. I wasn’t quite listening. What did you say?
Not listening again? Okay. Let me read the whole story to you then. Maybe I can keep your attention that way. Here—it says that Stephenson’s reasoning was that when something no no actually any old thing slams hot against any Catholic grammar school blackboard’s frontside it will bounce back and then, if still alive will experience pain and possibly an entire series of probable injuries, but—the Cardinal’s lips failed to open generating the automatically forming thing called silence to boil up into the vacuum of perceived terrestrial poundin’ sounds—there are other vacuums beside air vacuums sweet Paulie there are other non-air vacuums Paulie that nature abhors tell me tell—ah ah and the Cardinal froze in the rapidly expanding block of hard quiet that since, because it is invisible to humans, in reality yah that word again—in reality it forms into a massive perfectly cubical three dimensional zone of deep blue quiet which depending on the importance of the occasion number one, and the amount of money the subject quieted is costing whoever paid them to perform any type of activity at all which would require the subject to make noise of any kind speechkind or poundkind yellkind or screamkind eagle-Eagleton’s methodical non-quietude w’rasslin’ matches or sum such hoot’n hollery-boppkind; will range in size from a tiny blue dot upwardly incremented in sizes corresponding to the raw length of the last crispilyburnt German sausage ingested by the subject no matter how long ago up to a maximum size of a parsec high a parsec wide a parsec deeply longly and widely all you got to do is call and I’ll be there but; if never a German sausage was ingested by the subject then Kick out the Jams Brudda’ Thunka’ open up and talk yon pothole brained pseudo-demon, talk you were talking to Paul you had to say something so—however, on the other hand, if the same any old thing slams hot against the blackboard backside the same old thing will clobber on through one million holy holes in a million little oozes like a million toothpaste tubetips squeezing out slimoli-slimola ut’da gaggledy gag gag gag and reform on the frontside in one of two ways; one, it will stop after filling the being of any kind at all of chalked up on the board figure words numbers scrawls squiggles or what have you it will stop stick fail and exist there forever unless an equal to or greater blow occurs against it which will push it back out through out the back of the board and it will have been lucky—like we were lucky brother Jim—or Paul—or whomever you self-crank yourselves to be trademarked as hup—such a blow as the shockwave of a big Steinway in lushly full bloom as teleported in so superhotly before us thirty seconds ago hey hey hey wat’sa wat’sa wat’sa wat’sa hupp? Does that sum in a nutshell your thoughtbulb my Paulie?
Yes. Well put, quite clear. But let’s not get frenzied and club the deal down. We got a shot one shot that shot this shot—we need to package up like some salad all the words representing those real-world hard objects we need to go out get and then go back in from where we got them. First forward then backward; as in First Eric then Myself. You know, that immortal line he repeated again and again and again but; not now, bacon man. There’s no piggies either brawny or puny hereabouts, so; get it Cardinal? I can’t make it plainer up or down more or less. Repeat me back so I know now too—but—but—b-b-b-b-ut—more plainer.
We need to make a list of what supplied we want Rubbinschteen the war dodger and his henchgang to spirit out to, grab up, and spirit back to spread at our feet. Then I can kill him Anvil-Man Paulie oh Paulie dear Paulie?
Uh, well—
Oh then can I kill him dear Paulie my sweet?
Put that way my darling in holiness I may allow it yes. But—let us put together the list—here at this table—what we need is here stacked—see the life which has formed about us? We simply think that we need it and it is supplied. Quite wonderful quite the wonder we’re blessed with. So sit there and I here let us grip these brand new Bics and slide gleaming white sheets from this ream beside and let us writ-write—by hand. Of course—but there’s a rule. I went down one day—stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule all stricter than the strictest heh heh tape measure; a tape measure is a simple but essential tool that every plumber must have there’s a rule it’s used in measuring various dimensions of the plumbing system all stricter than the strictest heh heh adjustable wrenches there’s a rule all wrenches vary with the size of the jaw head, shape, purpose as well as their handle size stricter than the strictest heh heh screwdrivers there’s a rule I went down to see a gypsy woman just one day, yes I did—all stricter than the strictest heh heh pipe and tube cutters there’s a rule I wanna find out—all stricter than the gloves goggles and ear plugs strictest heh heh there’s a rule what's wrong with me and my baby—teflon tape all stricter than the strictest heh heh hacksaw and handsaw there’s a rule we ain't been getting down like we used to do—all small and large flashlights stricter than the strictest heh long and short shovels heh there’s a rule I mean it's pretty good now—all Vise Grip pliers stricter than the strictest sledgehammer heh heh there’s round and flat files a rule but there was a time when it didn't work out—claw and ball-peen hammers all stricter than the needle-nose pliers as well as the caulking gun strictest heh heh there’s a trowel rule too well yay they be; all hosepipes stricter basin spanners than steps and ladders the strictest hammers heh lighting kit and adjustable and waste pipe slicers torch heh sink tap spanners there’s a play with this baby dance the hell out o’ her rule I went down to see this gypsy woman, you understand—all stricter seventy five percent water and sixty percent fat obviously irreparably deviated headtop brain-bulbs neatly in there hey hey they’ll aid you in cutting materials such as plastics and wood than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule and I told her my story—all stricter than the strictest heh heh ear plugs, goggles, and gloves should be in your plumbing tools list to minimize the severity of injuries and enhance your safety there’s a rule I told her what was going on—all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule the late Cardinal Sierra busted up the joint huppa huppa all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule and she turned to me and she said—all stricter than the strictest heh heh as a plumber, you’ll be expected to work in different settings; as a result, you’ll always be at risk of injury there’s a rule; All you need—all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule; All you need—all stricter than the strictest heh heh they help in either screwing or unscrewing a wide variety of connections with the aid of nuts and nails there’s a rule; All you got to have—all stricter than the strictest heh heh they are used to cut both metallic and plastic equipment and should be part of your plumbing tools list there’s a rule; Just a touch, that's all you gotta have—all stricter than the strictest heh heh these plumbing tools have adjustable heads to fit the size of the tube or pipe there’s a rule; Just a touch of mojo hand—all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule it is the smallest positive integer requiring three syllables and the largest prime number with a single-morpheme name all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule; and it feels pretty good; all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule such things as that need to be shelved while the war requires a good man’s help all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule the timing of Beethoven's early publications was shrewdly calculated all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule all stricter than adjustable wrenches the strictest heh heh there’s a rule all stricter than the screwdrivers should also be included in your plumbing tools list strictest heh heh there’s a rule which says the best wrench-men do high quality work, quickly respond to calls, and understand what other plumbing repairs may be needed all stricter than the strictest heh heh both the hacksaw and handsaw are essential items on your plumbing tools list there’s a rule says that the second movement is famous for its intimations of later tragic slow movements, as well as for its own beauty all stricter than the strictest this movement will play a critical role in holding, turning, removing or even fitting plumbing pipes and fixtures, which is why these should also be included in your plumbing tools list heh heh there’s a rule there’s pens fit for this kind of big swine and pens fit for those kind of big swine too all stricter than the strictest heh heh there’s a rule in the city limits you want that? Think again honey think hard and harder all stricter than that yea, you do; the strictest heh heh teflon tape is used on faucets, pipes as well as other components of the plumbing system to ensure that the connections are tight and leak-proof there’s a rule all zoning board zinging board flinging board right hot at your—many many Chinese yen it may cost ya’ and there’s none in this bank big sucka’ no none; stricter than the strictest heh heh then I can kill him Anvil-Man Paulie oh Paulie dear Paulie there’s a rule all stricter than the strictest heh heh tape measure they come in different sizes and shapes oh then can I kill him dear Paulie my sweet—uh uh, soooo; Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment. Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment to take care of something. Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment to take care of something, and often implies a situation. Being only one hour before twelve o’clock, the eleventh hour means the last possible moment to take care of something, and often implies a situation of urgent danger or emergency; of urgent danger or emergency; yes often implies a situation of urgent danger or emergency—to take care of something—and ut ut ut ut ut ut uh—okay, okay—but let’s skip the slow movement and dance forward directly into the finale, as; and often implies a situation of urgent danger or emergency like that we have down here yah today.
Thus:
In conclusion the success of this project led to Stephenson and his son Robert being employed to engineer several other larger railway projects. Thus, the four foot eight-and-a-half-inch gauge became widespread and dominant in Britain—but, Robert was reported to have said that if he had had a second chance to choose a standard gauge, he would have chosen one wider than that finally used; "I would take a few inches more—” he said, “But—”
He paused to cough lightly into one hand, then said:
“Very, very few.”
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