Jim Meirose


I Want to Go Pasture in the Sleeping-House

               Its time
               Its time.
               Its time.
               I want to go pasture in the sleeping-house.
               Because its time to go pasture in the sleeping-house.
               Which it a little back came to the moment to be the sleeping-house.
               Each time it has to be. To be the sleeping-house.
               So, into. Downtick leap in and get away from not being in the sleeping-house.
               Not being safe from the out from the in of the sleeping-house. Wrap it and rip it.
               And rip it in the sleeping the sleeping-house because it is.
               Time. Because it is.
               Time. Because it is; time to go pasture in the sleeping-house.
               So, she’d picked this up to read and was reading it in and trying to get it.
               Time I want to in the go pasture the sleeping-house because its in the sleeping-house time to go pasture in the sleeping-house in the sleeping-house great big sleeping-house rip it down sand it smooth tin it well and solder it down, because it must freely conduct for the purpose of the sleeping-house. This lead in here must freely conduct the light current required by the sleeping-house, which, freely conducting the light current required by the burp of the sleeping-house, will be your sole responsibility. Do you balk at taking on this important role within the process of the sleeping-house? Will you—
               Damn it! Damn it, I can’t find my shoes! I—
               What? she snapped, having been so interrupted.
               He replied, rudely.
               I can’t find my good shoes, is what! Have you seen my shoes? God damn, I’ll be late, this is going to make me late. Have you seen them?
               No. I haven’t seen them—and, having replied honestly and concisely, she bent to the page and resumed her reading—Will you balk?
               No.
               Would you balk?
               No—good—so-so, so, get up, turn around. Bring your iron to the sleeping-house, because the sleeping-house needs work lots of work and so bring your iron turn around bring your iron to the sleeping-house, to iron your iron to the sleeping-house. T-tin it well, solder it down. Pip down it, pop down it, solder it down. Danilee Shakersalt? Sli-i-i-ide it over and tap it in far as it will go into the framing of the sleeping-house. Danilee Shakersalt? Sli-i-i-ide that one his way, too. Then, solder it down. Tight. As sayeth yon Venerable Bede; that is how.
               Tight and tight and—Danilee Shakersalt, he.
               He will know—
               Aha, he said, jarring her up, from the other side someplace—here the hell are they, are, I have found my shoes!
               Great!
               Yes, he said—but how could you have claimed to not have seen my shoes when they were right in the way of our getting up and down this hallway? How?
               She looked at him hard.
               Okay, but—how’d you claim to have lost them—if there were right in your way, too?
               I—ah, never mind—‘n he went to a chair, sat down, and began lacing on his shoes. Good shoes. Shiny shoes that cost money that laced up like—really classic men’s dress shoes.
               Nodding, she looked back to the page; where was I, ah ho, here eck, read, Yes, right! He will know. That. This. There—yas this is your cone. But, it doesn’t really matter. Do it fast; low as it is on you, make a suit of it. That is how one makes the best connection-connection best the-the best ‘lectriclico-connection. As a matter of fact, this is how; go wake up Petersen, tell him bowl his ball hard way on over, to the sleeping-house. That way, he wants to, wants his way with that ball, yes, we said go. Danilee Shakersalt? Please wake up Peterson, tell him come bowl his ball every which way he wants to bowl his ball into through and right out the back of his very nearest bowling-ball compatible big sleeping-house. Down that Petersen’s alley’s, a bowling alley, and a bowling alley’s a bowling alley, y’ know? So what? So? What? If you can’t be bothered to dig a little, f’ you want it all easy, a little then, fine, ooooo. We do not understand, because Petersen’s alley’s not a bowling alley, is not affiliated with the sleeping-house, and also’s just a very very dated manually operated bowling alley. The kind mangles its pinsetters time to time—ha. Ha! You are up’n your clouds someplace so much very, ha! But, ha! If we’re still ha! going to go ha! Ha! Bowling today somebody has to keep score. Ha! Like really hey yah a ha ha! Where? At the bowling alley? Nope, nope. Nope and nope and nope. Why, at this end of the alley from the pins beyond the wall behind which there looms the big sleeping-house, Goombah, do you know how to keep score no do you no no or you or you—or you over there do you know how to keep score. Ha! No no no. Ha! For Christ’s sake after all the right reverend Mike Petunia, our very CEO said it also, and now still says it also, and what Mike says out loud, we go do. See? See? Its not like miniature golf’s scoring you can just not do, it’s bowling scoring. And bowling’s a real game. Serious. Real. Seee-e-e-e-e? So dam dense ever dense ever, hoo. No no no no, ho-o-o-o, but, hell? Ooh leap back leap leap, see swat that stinger flying off ‘bout me ‘cause a bowling alley’s a bowling alley I said that bug’s got pissed looks like swat that big buzzy stingerfly off me. Okay, oh yes. Yes every single bowling alley that does apply to if that’s what you need to hear is what Mike Petunio’d say were you still here.
               Stubborn.
               Bees?
               Stubborn.
               Shit, the shoe lace broke! he cried—jumping her up. Damn and God damn, the shoe lace broke—hey—we got laces anyplace ‘round here?
               ‘fter recovering an instant from the jar of his yell, she said, Don’t you have another good pair? Yes, you do. Wear those. Rooting the drawers for laces and all will make you late.
               No, he said, rising, shoe in hand and held out—those are loafers.
               So?
               They’re casual shoes. I need to wear these. Looking good is important where I’ll be this afternoon—ah, sure—the kitchen drawers. We got spare laces in there. Let me see.
               He turned gone, scowling, to the kitchen. She shook her head twice, then resumed her read.
               Because; no one’s gonna really get why you’re doing the way you’re doing, no. No bees in the sleeping-house. However, as for you, Mr. Petersen, with your soiled ankles, go get some hip boots—the hip boots you should have had with you this session—and come back prepared next week. Okay? B-b’ gonna really get why you’re doing ah ah spit spit rub rub handshake great to see you, yes, but, please leavem get some hip boots, one clipper ship some dozen big bulkers and a universal flycap, and, come back prepared this time next week the way you’re doing, after all rules are rules. It may be ‘n rod n’ reel this week, but so? If you, any or al,l understand. No. Liebherr? Hah! The way why you’re doing, you don’t need no Liebherr, only—what? Danilee Shakersalt? Yasso, sirs! Wow! You say only if pastor Boron—also a past winner of the Laplanda-France crosscountryesque roller-race—approves, will you e can you ee leave the pastures eee of the sleeping-house, hot-solder down the connections as per design specifications, travel to the alley, bowl, no. The way you’re doing, no. Not. No. And who that may be is well known. Happanya? Sorry, but pastor Boron’s got to be six feet f’under ‘nna tight crack off history, but, but, bowl your ball three games straight, then, go purchase hip boots, okay? Fine, sir, back there out hind yer counting-counted pluck; back ou’ your register, I am here to buy your best size large hip boots, although ‘n rod n’ reel I yet, b’ but, we do not sell hip boots ‘n rod n’ reel, sir and of course I will want to try them on but sir we do not sell hip boots ‘n rod n’ reel and also want to discuss the nature of the ‘n rod n’ reel extended warranty it may be best to also purchase of course, but . We don’t sell them here sir o we don’t what’s wrong can’t you listen ooo we don’t know ooooo, we. Hah! Don’t know. And there’s no use to keep asking why, because what does the reason matter when it’s not going to change anything hey?
               Most of the time you’ll find what you know is useless, anyway!
               Never used, useless. Baby the same baby, ack h’ flywatro, hooo. This because; no one’s gonna really get why you’re doing the way you’re doing, no. Not even because the state of grace you’re in’s say yah do ‘i. Sah, buk.
               Book.
               Buk.
               Book!
               Boo’
               Buk!
               <gag>
               God damn, he said—she looked up—we don’t have laces for these. We got laces for the hiking boots we threw out years back and much other crap but no laces for these!
               Okay, well—I think you’re just going to have to wear your other pair.
               That’s not another pair! They’re crap. I can’t wear them. What the hell am I going to do?
               I—I don’t know. Sorry.
               Sorry?
               Yes. I mean, oh—whatever—I don’t know what to say. Oh—and she pushed back into her reading been-bean ah ‘h a’, as—I baha bruchengia like li’ yam, shocked by this sudden question. Book! And having no good answer for that logic, which seems bulletproof and all that hey hey but, book! Book! It’s not in the human nature of most humans to not answer back argumentionally-so as as, yes there is. Book! Because if there’s a rule there should be reasons. Book. Someone does understand every word but th’ may have go done in by their habit la-look a’foreyay, leap. So! And if there are reasons we they ought to be d-d-d-d-d-don’t sell hip shared yes there is boots here, sooooo. Boo’. Would you repeat that please, because, if there’s rules, there should be reasons. ‘oo’. Yes, of course sir. Boo’. Yes of course that is a damned low-down stenchingly over-bold lie—1 2 3 4 5 6—we do not see the reasoning—ninety-nine nineties niners nan no nooo-moo cow-pop Professor LaPasture’s clearly stated out loud, book, in seminar after seminar, b-booook-k, no no no, no matter’s its Pope’ seminariantessimal supro-offictatious power-blessing’d, in out and all over and deep-proven in deep breathing experimentation, back past the late twenties, by too young to know better Big-Doc Jambalaya, ‘f her sauces if you please, nee big Faux-Theseus, no, its just that we d-d-d-d-d-don’t sell hip boots here!
               Would you repeat that please?
               Yes of course sir. W-we d-don’t s-s-s-s’ ‘ip booties for babies ‘round bouta roundy-round here neither big Pop, nor does Grande Vista reek-loch off loamin’, their variety store has even less nothings as ours, yes of course sir, you say, only if repeat that please. Ah j’fif pastor Boron approves here would you wrap the regedit risky as it m’ b’? Will you can you sell hip boots ‘n rod n’ reel leave the Satellite City series of wide pastures? Mean, know we d-d-d-d-d-don’t of the sleeping-house know? Papal snakes be underfoot through here, step softly, pilgrim—we don’t solder down the connections—listen—if we don’t as per innoculadodo design specifications, it’ll travel to the alley spread lost down r’rever. What’s wrong? Why can’t you just bowl your ball three games straight, then go purchase hip boots here, sir, uh! We don’t know, true, okay, but—a point is being made here bigger than the truth of anything might slime under its ‘neath, but, we don’t sell them fine sir back warranty of course, there out hind yer’ the nature of the counting-counted plucked back analog register. If it don’t get pulled tight enough, you’ll bleed out in five to seven seconds. Probably less that, lack diddo, awa, heck! Heck Mercury Venus Mars Jumpiter NES Mercuronia in summer’s great for tan fishering, or deep down point Nemo the deep down Nemo the point down deep Nemo you think we’re at no, no! No! No! I am here, and also, want to discuss a pending purchase of your best size large hip boots, but; we do not we do not sell hip boots sell hip boots, sir, but; and of course I will want to try them on and then we can seal the deal but big-g bit-t tell me; if I purchase three pairs, is that three purchases? I hope so ‘cause see these old ladies here out my sides said that they’d only eat with me here today; grabba hard cheese-slab wiped down greenmeat and assorted pig BrucieCakes neek, if; four-handed separational cheques could be arranged by the management arm out Colorado testing their latest experimental lectrtronictical faux-GasX powered pretend maybe la-trained fat V8’s. But, but sir, nope chops seafood sharpknives mandolins razorhiccuped deep sea blenderpotteries, l’longside deeply bucked-adupped cowboy’s starchy salads mayhaps—for which make sure you have a dinner table wide enough to handle all inevitabilities—but; this has much more to do with what Lucia can do for us, than for anything I might be able to do hic for Lucia alone; now that its become time to bathe the baby, of course working from the safety of the sleeping-house, within which must first you do it now plant ‘n appropriate watertight babysized bathtub, than hic hic what you may be able to do for Lucia alone; working hic hic hic hic from the safety of the sleeping-house, bathing the baby very thoroughly well, in the watertight babysized bathtub piped into the house wahwah hose system permanently by professionally certified pipe-men, of course, ooooooooooo, or, what I may be able to do for Lucia alone; working from the safety of the sleeping-house or what you may be able to do for Lucia alone; working from the safety of the sleeping-house while I do nothing or what I may be able to do for Lucia alone; working from the safety of the sleeping-house while you do nothing or whatever het-centerinanians might be able to do or not do, regardless of what you or I might not be able to do or not for Lucia with or without the safety of the sleeping-house but spin-tattatoeeie as she first washes her primal new baby with no help from me you ‘n ‘ll all alone.
               Hah!
               But.
               Time.
               But—hey, look! Look what I did. I—I fixed the broken lace up, it looks—hey, look—look at my shoes. Can you tell anything’s wrong?
               No.
               Great! Okay—I’ll be leaving in a minute. Thank God, hey, hey, thank God I’m so good with my hands. Don’t you think? Hey la, don’tcha?
               Yes, sure.
               Great!
               He turned to wherever he would do whatever’s next in his preparation for whatever’s so very super important today—and she read, Yah horse-shtadda, wham-afta’ hot-solder’n down the connections as per design specifications t-then throw the switches. What? Huh? Which of them? Why, all of them. If you can’t be bothered to dig a little want it all easy a little then fine. Since it’s the moment of truth but summon pastor Boron he must bear witness it’s a recently passed law spit-tom-patooey okay? Its time. Roll—but be sure to throw the knife switches first then end with the forty-four toggles, or—the results may be wildly unpredictable—
               Okay! he said sharply, once more pausing her read.
               Okay what? she asked.
               I’m all set. I—I guess I might be a minute or two late, you know, but—now I’m sure I look good.
               That’s great.
               He paused turning to her.
               Great? What’s great? That I’ll be late? How’s that?
               Its time.
               Helen; Time to leave pasture in the sleeping-house.
               Okay. Listen. That is not what I meant and you know it!
               Rancor; Because its time to leave pasture in the sleeping-house.
               Helen; Which it a little back came to the moment to be the sleeping-house.
               Okay. Listen. That is not what I meant and you know it!
               Rancor; Each time it has to be. To be the sleeping-house.
               Chorus; So out from. Downtick leap out and get away from the sleeping-house.
               Okay. Listen. Listen. Lis—that is not what I meant not what I meant and meant and you know it you know it. And you know it.
               Helen, Rancor, Chorus, and all’s still left after; Not being safe from the out from the in of the sleeping-house. Wrap it and rip it.
               Good, good. Sorry, but—hey, I’m going, wish me luck for this afternoon.
               And rip it in the sleeping the sleeping-house because it is—hesitancheeneo!
               Good luck for this afternoon.
               Wink. Wink. Smile. Then gone.
               This is time. Because it is.
               This is time. Because it is.



Jim Meirose's short fiction has appeared in leading journals. His novels include Sunday Dinner with Father Dwyer(Optional Books), Understanding Franklin Thompson(JEF), Le Overgivers au Club de la Résurrection(Mannequin Haus), No and Maybe - Maybe and No(Pski's Porch), and Audio Bookies (LJMcD Communications) coming in 2024. Gen'l info: www.jimmeirose.com @jwmeirose

 
 

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