Eric Hoffman A Translation of Sumitaku Kenshin's 試作帳その後 [Shisaku-chō Sonoato][After That Draft Book] 床頭台につみかさねた本の歳月 shōtōdai ni tsumikasaneta hon no saigetsu I pass the time with these books stacked at my bedside 壁にとめられた新しい歳月の一枚 kabe ni tomerareta atarashii saigetsu no ichi-mai A new calendar hangs on the wall, the start of a new year 月が青いまっすぐな道をゆく tsuki ga aoi massuguna michi o yuku Pale moonlight— I walk a straight road 脈をはかる手が冷たい明日を思う myaku o hakaru te ga tsumetai asu o omou A cold hand takes my pulse— my anxious thoughts turn towards tomorrow どこまでものびている影も淋しい doko made mo nobite iru kage mo sabishii Stretched to the ends of the earth, this lonesome shadow 長針が短針をおいかけて今手術室の前 chōshin ga tanshin o oikakete ima shujutsu-shitsu no mae In the operation waiting room the minute hand chases the hour hand カーテンぐらいは自分でと病んでいる kāten gurai wa jibun de to yande iru Always sick, I am at least able to draw the curtains 痛みのないひとときうすい昼月がある itami no nai hitotoki usui hiru-zuki ga aru A moment without pain, pale moon in daylight SOSを出している夜風のモールス信号 esu-ō-esu o dashite iru yo-kaze no mōrusu shingō Evening wind like Morse code howls out an SOS 深夜、静かに呼吸している点滴がある shin’ya, shizukani kokyū shite iru tenteki ga aru Late at night, the IV breathes quietly 見舞客の言葉にもまた寒い冬がはじまる mimai-kyaku no kotoba ni mo mata samui fuyu ga hajimaru It is winter again even in the frozen words of the visitors 朝から待っている雲がその顔になる asa kara matte iru kumo ga sono kao ni naru The cloud forms a face anticipated since morning 冬の定石窓にオリオンが置かれた fuyu no jōseki mado ni orion ga okareta Winter's law— Orion at his proper station in the window 立ちあがればよろめく星空 tachiagareba yoromeku hoshi-zora I rise— the starry sky wavers 許された外出たよりない昼月へ歩む yurusareta gaishutsu tayorinai hiru-zuki e ayumu Allowed to go outside, I walk toward the moon, vague in daylight 捨てられた人形がみせたからくり suterareta ningyō ga miseta karakuri A discarded doll, its mechanisms revealed 背中丸めてねむる明日の夢つつんでおく senaka marumete nemuru asu no yume tsutsunde oku Curled up, my dreams concealed for tomorrow 病んで少なくなった友へ賀状を書く yande sukunaku natta tomo e gajō o kaku Fallen ill, my friends diminish— I write New Year's cards 卓上日記の真新しい一年を枕元に置く takujō-nikki no ma-atarashii ichi-nen o makuramoto ni oku New desk calendar for the new year leans against my pillow ロポット握りしめて夢の中の笑顔 robotto nigirishimete yume no naka no egao Robot grasped tightly— he smiles in my dream 年の瀬の足二本洗ってもらう toshi no se no ashi ni-hon aratte morau Year's end— both legs cleansed 枕元の薬とまた年をむかえる makuramoto no kusuri to mata toshi o mukaeru Medicine by my bedside, I celebrate the new year 新年をテレビに挨拶されている shin’nen o terebi ni aisatsu sarete iru Only the TV wishes me a Happy New Year 今日を静かに生きて冬の雨の日の選曲 kyō o shizukani ikite fuyu no ame no hi no senkyoku A peaceful day— the correct selection of music for a winter day 耳を病んで音のない青空続く mimi o yande oto no nai aozora tsuzuku My hearing lost, the silent infinity of a blue sky 朝日さし手術承諾書の印の朱色 asahi sashi shujutsu shōdakusho no in no shuiro Morning sun illuminates the surgery consent letter's red seal 並んでやせた朝の身体測っている narande yaseta asa no karada hakatte iru Our thin bodies stand in line for the morning weigh-in 名を呼ばれて検査室、重い扉を開ける na o yobarete kensa-shitsu, omoi tobira o akeru Name called, I open the heavy door to the examination room 手術があるという枕元に紙札が置かれた shujutsu ga aru to iu makuramoto ni kamifuda ga okareta A sheet of paper at my bedside announces the operation 時計の針が急ぐので手術室の前に来ていた tokei no hari ga isogu node shujutsu-shitsu no mae ni kite ita Clock ticks, I find myself at the operating room entrance まだ麻酔のきいている窓の昼月 mada masui no kīte iru mado no hiru-zuki Drowsy from anesthesia, pale midday moon at the window 四角い僕の夜空にも星が満ちてくる shikakui boku no yo-zora ni mo hoshi ga michite kuru At night my square of sky filled with stars ジングルベル早いリズムで暮れてゆく街 jinguru beru hayai rizumu de kurete yuku machi Jingle Bells played in quick rhythm— in this city the year comes to an end 月をゆがめている熱がある tsuki o yugamete iru netsu ga aru The moon distorted by a high fever 病床の友として欠けた月がある byōshō no tomo to shite kaketa tsuki ga aru A girlfriend gone to bed— the moon wanes 鬼とは私のことか豆がまかれる oni to wa watashi no koto ka mame ga makareru Am I an oni? The beans thrown at me 春にはと思う心に早い桜 haru ni wa to omou kokoro ni hayai sakura When will spring arrive? the cherry blossoms already in my heart 車椅子の低い視線が春を見つけた kuruma-isu no hikui shisen ga haru o mitsuketa Even from the depths of my wheelchair, springtime finds a line in my sight 陽にあたれば歩けそうな脚なでてみる hi ni atareba arukesōna ashi nadete miru I rub my legs— walk in sunlight 窓に映る顔が春になれない mado ni utsuru kao ga haru ni narenai My face reflected in the window— no sign of spring うすい胸に吸いこんだ冷たいレントゲンだ usui mune ni suikonda tsumetai rentogen da Deep breath into thin lungs— cold x-ray レントゲンの早春の冷たさを抱く rentogen no sōshun no tsumetasa o idaku Cold x-ray in early spring pressed against my chest レントゲンに淋しい胸のうちのぞかれた rentogen ni sabishii mune no uchi nozokareta Exposed by x-rays, my solitary heart 点滴びんに散ってしまった私の桜 tenteki-bin ni chitte shimatta watashi no sakura On the IV bottle cherry blossoms already scattered 自殺願望、メラメラと燃える火がある jisatsu ganbō, meramerato moeru hi ga aru A desire for suicide burns deep in my heart 若さとはこんな淋しい春なのか wakasa to wa kon’na sabishii haru na no ka My youth is like this lonely spring 陽にあてたうすい影を置く hi ni ateta usui kage o oku In the sun my shadow weak and faded 夜を見おろす目がふたつ丘の窓 yoru o miorosu me ga futatsu oka no mado Two windows on a hill look down into the night 閉ければいやなもの見る目で閉じる akereba iyana mono miru me de tojiru Eyes opened, discomforting things seen— eyes closed 降れば冷たい春が来るという雨 fureba tsumetai haru ga kuru to iu ame Freezing rain falls— they say that spring approaches 電話口に来てバイバイが言える子になった denwa-guchi ni kite baibai ga ieru ko ni natta My child is old enough to say bye-bye on the telephone 心電図淋しい音立てている胸がある shindenzu sabishii oto tatete iru mune ga aru EKG— I hear my heartbeat alone 冷たい朝をゆく人の背ばかり tsumetai asa o yuku hito no se bakari Cold morning— only the backs of lonely people walking away 戸を開けてから呼ぶ声の親しさ to o akete kara yobu koe no shitashisa The door opens and a familiar voice calls out to me 話しこんでいる間に星がはっきりしてきた hanashikonde iru ma ni hoshi ga hakkiri shite kita Immersed in conversation the stars become more visible 頭剃ってもらうあたたかな陽がある atama sotte morau atatakana hi ga aru Head shaven— I feel the heat of the sun 幸せ、満ちあふれる湯の中につかる shiawase, michiafureru yu no naka ni tsukaru Happiness— submerged in a hot bath overflowing 水滴のひとつひとつが笑っている顔だ suiteki no hitotsu hitotsu ga waratte iru kao da Each drop of water has a smiling face 笑顔うかべたお湯が流れる egao ukabeta o-yu ga nagareru A smiling face floats in the flow of hot water 信号が点滅する夜が脈うっている shingō ga temmetsu suru yoru ga myaku utte iru The traffic signals flash off and on like the pulse of the night 春風の重い扉だ haru-kaze no omoi tobira da Spring breeze— the front gate is heavy 朝から点滴にうつむかされている asa kara tenteki ni utsumukasarete iru All day a headache from the infusion うすぐらい独りの病室の雨音となる usugurai hitori no byōshitsu no ama-oto to naru Alone in the gloom of my hospital room, the sound of rainfall 降れば一日雨を見ている窓がある fureba ichi-nichi ame o mite iru mado ga aru The rain falls all day long outside my window うつむいて歩く街に影がない utsumuite aruku machi ni kage ga nai Head hung low, I walk the streets absent my shadow 何もできない身体で親不孝している nani mo dekinai karada de oyafukō shite iru My body unable to do anything other than be disobedient to my parents 見上げればこんなに広い空がある miagereba kon’nani hiroi sora ga aru I look up at the wide sky there before me わずかばかりの陽に来て人もスズメも wazuka bakari no hi ni kite hito mo suzume mo Under a thin sun men and sparrows warm themselves 貧乏ぐらしの雨がトタンたたいている binbō-gurashi no ame ga totan tataite iru A life of poverty— rain strikes the tin roof 許されたシャワーが朝の虹 ζ なる yurusareta shawā ga asa no niji to naru Allowed a shower, a morning rainbow appears やせた身体ひとつたんねんにふいてやる yaseta karada hitotsu tan’nen’ni fuite yaru This thin body is my only one— I wash it thoroughly 父と子であり淋しい星を見ている chichi to ko de ari sabishii hoshi o mite iru Lonesome father and son look up at the lonely stars 導くから貴女とわかる白いブラウス tōku kara anata to wakaru shiroi burausu Even from a distance I recognize your white blouse 病んでいる耳に友の死を告げられた yande iru mimi ni tomo no shi o tsugerareta In my deaf ear I am told of the death of a friend 病んでいる足もと蟻が働きだした yande iru ashimoto ari ga hataraki-dashita Sickness makes me stagger— the ants at my feet go to work この坂を登れば夏が来そうな kono saka o noboreba natsu ga kisō na From this hill I've climbed summer approaches かあちゃんが言えて母のない子よ kāchan ga iete haha no nai ko yo You can cry out for mommy yet you have no mother, little boy 歩いても歩いても前を行くのが影 aruite mo aruite mo mae o yuku no ga kage I walk and walk and yet my shadow precedes me 酔った月が出ている yotta tsuki ga dete iru A drunken moon hangs from the sky 初夏を大きくバッタがとんだ shoka o ōkiku batta ga tonda Early spring— on a grand scale a grasshopper leaps 日傘の影うすく恋をしている higasa no kage usuku koi o shite iru In the faint shadow of her parasol I fall in love 登りつめた空の夏雲に続く noboritsumeta sora no natsu-gumo ni tsuzuku Summit reached— the sky leads me to summer clouds 真夏の山がけずりとられた manatsu no yama ga kezuri-torareta Mountain charm whittled away by summer 話のそれたボケヅトに手がある hanashi no soreta poketto ni te ga aru The conversation wanders— hands in my pockets 子には見せられない顔洗っている ko ni wa miserarenai kao aratte iru Face washed— I cannot show myself to my son 無表情な空に組み立てられた黒い花輪だ muhyōjō na sora ni kumitaterareta kuroi hanawa da Black cemetery wreath— callous sky 足早な夜が葬式の顔に深まる ashibayana yoru ga sōshiki no kao ni fukamaru Night falls swiftly on the faces of the funeral procession 夜遅く帰って来た傘がたたまれる yoru osoku kaette kita kasa ga tatamareru Returned home late at night, umbrella folded up 誰もいない壁に近く坐る dare mo inai kabe ni chikaku suwaru Nobody here— I sit next to the wall 握りしめた夜に咳こむ nigirishimeta yoru ni sekikomu I cling tight to the evening— cough and cough 再び会う君とこんなにも月が細い futatabi au kimi to kon’na ni mo tsuki ga hosoi We meet again— I look at you, with the moon so thin 梅雨が冷たいストレッチャーに横たわる tsuyu ga tsumetai sutorecchā ni yokotawaru It is cold and rainy— I lie upon a stretcher 病む視線低くつばめが飛ぶ yamu shisen hikuku tsubame ga tobu I fall ill— seen from my sickbed a swallow flies low 淋しさと向かいあう今日の箸とる sabishisa to mukaiau kyō no hashi toru Confronted with sadness— I pick up my chopsticks 短い影の影といさかう mijikai kage no kage to isakau A slight shadow argues with another 一人の灯をあかあかと点けている hitori no hi o aka’akato tsukete iru All alone, I light up the room brilliantly 聞こえない鳥が鳴いているという kikoenai tori ga naite iru to iu My hearing lost, the birds are still reputed to singprevious page     contents     next page
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