Eric Hoffman


A Translation of Sumitaku Kenshin's 試作帳その後 [Shisaku-chō Sonoato][After That Draft Book]

床頭台につみかさねた本の歳月 
shōtōdai ni tsumikasaneta hon no saigetsu


I pass the time
with these books stacked 
at my bedside



壁にとめられた新しい歳月の一枚 
kabe ni tomerareta atarashii saigetsu no ichi-mai


A new calendar hangs on the wall,
the start of a new year



月が青いまっすぐな道をゆく 
tsuki ga aoi massuguna michi o yuku


Pale moonlight—
I walk a straight road



脈をはかる手が冷たい明日を思う 
myaku o hakaru te ga tsumetai asu o omou


A cold hand takes my pulse—
my anxious thoughts turn 
towards tomorrow



どこまでものびている影も淋しい 
doko made mo nobite iru kage mo sabishii


Stretched to the ends of the earth,
this lonesome shadow



長針が短針をおいかけて今手術室の前 
chōshin ga tanshin o oikakete ima shujutsu-shitsu no mae


In the operation waiting room
the minute hand chases
the hour hand



カーテンぐらいは自分でと病んでいる 
kāten gurai wa jibun de to yande iru


Always sick,
I am at least able 
to draw the curtains



痛みのないひとときうすい昼月がある 
itami no nai hitotoki usui hiru-zuki ga aru


A moment without pain,
pale moon in daylight



ＳＯＳを出している夜風のモールス信号
esu-ō-esu o dashite iru yo-kaze no mōrusu shingō


Evening wind
like Morse code
howls out an SOS



深夜、静かに呼吸している点滴がある 
shin’ya, shizukani kokyū shite iru tenteki ga aru


Late at night,
the IV breathes 
quietly



見舞客の言葉にもまた寒い冬がはじまる 
mimai-kyaku no kotoba ni mo mata samui fuyu ga hajimaru


It is winter again
even in the frozen words
of the visitors



朝から待っている雲がその顔になる 
asa kara matte iru kumo ga sono kao ni naru


The cloud forms a face
anticipated since morning



冬の定石窓にオリオンが置かれた 
fuyu no jōseki mado ni orion ga okareta


Winter's law—
Orion at his proper station
in the window



立ちあがればよろめく星空
tachiagareba yoromeku hoshi-zora


I rise—
the starry sky wavers



許された外出たよりない昼月へ歩む 
yurusareta gaishutsu tayorinai hiru-zuki e ayumu


Allowed to go outside,
I walk toward the moon,
vague in daylight



捨てられた人形がみせたからくり
suterareta ningyō ga miseta karakuri


A discarded doll,
its mechanisms revealed



背中丸めてねむる明日の夢つつんでおく 
senaka marumete nemuru asu no yume tsutsunde oku


Curled up,
my dreams concealed
for tomorrow



病んで少なくなった友へ賀状を書く
yande sukunaku natta tomo e gajō o kaku


Fallen ill,
my friends diminish—
I write New Year's cards



卓上日記の真新しい一年を枕元に置く 
takujō-nikki no ma-atarashii ichi-nen o makuramoto ni oku


New desk calendar
for the new year
leans against my pillow



ロポット握りしめて夢の中の笑顔 
robotto nigirishimete yume no naka no egao


Robot grasped tightly— 
he smiles in my dream



年の瀬の足二本洗ってもらう 
toshi no se no ashi ni-hon aratte morau


Year's end—
both legs cleansed



枕元の薬とまた年をむかえる 
makuramoto no kusuri to mata toshi o mukaeru


Medicine by my bedside,
I celebrate the new year



新年をテレビに挨拶されている 
shin’nen o terebi ni aisatsu sarete iru


Only the TV wishes me 
a Happy New Year



今日を静かに生きて冬の雨の日の選曲 
kyō o shizukani ikite fuyu no ame no hi no senkyoku


A peaceful day— 
the correct selection of music
for a winter day



耳を病んで音のない青空続く
mimi o yande oto no nai aozora tsuzuku


My hearing lost,
the silent infinity
of a blue sky



朝日さし手術承諾書の印の朱色 
asahi sashi shujutsu shōdakusho no in no shuiro


Morning sun illuminates
the surgery consent letter's red seal
 


並んでやせた朝の身体測っている 
narande yaseta asa no karada hakatte iru


Our thin bodies
stand in line
for the morning weigh-in



名を呼ばれて検査室、重い扉を開ける 
na o yobarete kensa-shitsu, omoi tobira o akeru


Name called,
I open the heavy door
to the examination room



手術があるという枕元に紙札が置かれた 
shujutsu ga aru to iu makuramoto ni kamifuda ga okareta


A sheet of paper
at my bedside
announces the operation



時計の針が急ぐので手術室の前に来ていた 
tokei no hari ga isogu node shujutsu-shitsu no mae ni kite ita


Clock ticks, I find myself 
at the operating room entrance



まだ麻酔のきいている窓の昼月
mada masui no kīte iru mado no hiru-zuki


Drowsy from anesthesia,
pale midday moon
at the window



四角い僕の夜空にも星が満ちてくる 
shikakui boku no yo-zora ni mo hoshi ga michite kuru


At night
my square of sky
filled with stars



ジングルベル早いリズムで暮れてゆく街 
jinguru beru hayai rizumu de kurete yuku machi


Jingle Bells played in quick rhythm—
in this city the year comes to an end



月をゆがめている熱がある 
tsuki o yugamete iru netsu ga aru


The moon distorted 
by a high fever



病床の友として欠けた月がある 
byōshō no tomo to shite kaketa tsuki ga aru


A girlfriend gone to bed—
the moon wanes



鬼とは私のことか豆がまかれる 
oni to wa watashi no koto ka mame ga makareru


Am I an oni?
The beans thrown at me



春にはと思う心に早い桜 
haru ni wa to omou kokoro ni hayai sakura　


When will spring arrive?
the cherry blossoms
already in my heart



車椅子の低い視線が春を見つけた 
kuruma-isu no hikui shisen ga haru o mitsuketa


Even from the depths of my wheelchair,
springtime finds a line in my sight  



陽にあたれば歩けそうな脚なでてみる 
hi ni atareba arukesōna ashi nadete miru


I rub my legs—
walk in sunlight



窓に映る顔が春になれない 
mado ni utsuru kao ga haru ni narenai


My face reflected in the window—
no sign of spring



うすい胸に吸いこんだ冷たいレントゲンだ 
usui mune ni suikonda tsumetai rentogen da


Deep breath
into thin lungs—
cold x-ray



レントゲンの早春の冷たさを抱く 
rentogen no sōshun no tsumetasa o idaku


Cold x-ray in early spring
pressed against my chest



レントゲンに淋しい胸のうちのぞかれた 
rentogen ni sabishii mune no uchi nozokareta


Exposed by x-rays,
my solitary heart



点滴びんに散ってしまった私の桜 
tenteki-bin ni chitte shimatta watashi no sakura


On the IV bottle
cherry blossoms
already scattered



自殺願望、メラメラと燃える火がある 
jisatsu ganbō, meramerato moeru hi ga aru


A desire for suicide
burns deep in my heart



若さとはこんな淋しい春なのか
wakasa to wa kon’na sabishii haru na no ka


My youth
is like this
lonely spring



陽にあてたうすい影を置く 
hi ni ateta usui kage o oku


In the sun
my shadow
weak and faded



夜を見おろす目がふたつ丘の窓
yoru o miorosu me ga futatsu oka no mado


Two windows on a hill
look down into the night



閉ければいやなもの見る目で閉じる
akereba iyana mono miru me de tojiru


Eyes opened, 
discomforting things seen—
eyes closed



降れば冷たい春が来るという雨 
fureba tsumetai haru ga kuru to iu ame


Freezing rain falls—
they say that spring approaches



電話口に来てバイバイが言える子になった
denwa-guchi ni kite baibai ga ieru ko ni natta


My child is old enough
to say bye-bye
on the telephone



心電図淋しい音立てている胸がある
shindenzu sabishii oto tatete iru mune ga aru


EKG—
I hear my heartbeat
alone



冷たい朝をゆく人の背ばかり
tsumetai asa o yuku hito no se bakari


Cold morning—
only the backs of lonely people
walking away



戸を開けてから呼ぶ声の親しさ 
to o akete kara yobu koe no shitashisa


The door opens
and a familiar voice 
calls out to me



話しこんでいる間に星がはっきりしてきた
hanashikonde iru ma ni hoshi ga hakkiri shite kita


Immersed in conversation
the stars become more visible



頭剃ってもらうあたたかな陽がある 
atama sotte morau atatakana hi ga aru


Head shaven—
I feel the heat
of the sun



幸せ、満ちあふれる湯の中につかる 
shiawase, michiafureru yu no naka ni tsukaru


Happiness—
submerged in a hot bath
overflowing



水滴のひとつひとつが笑っている顔だ
suiteki no hitotsu hitotsu ga waratte iru kao da


Each drop of water
has a smiling face



笑顔うかべたお湯が流れる
egao ukabeta o-yu ga nagareru


A smiling face floats
in the flow of hot water



信号が点滅する夜が脈うっている 
shingō ga temmetsu suru yoru ga myaku utte iru


The traffic signals flash off and on
like the pulse of the night



春風の重い扉だ 
haru-kaze no omoi tobira da


Spring breeze—
the front gate is heavy



朝から点滴にうつむかされている 
asa kara tenteki ni utsumukasarete iru


All day a headache
from the infusion



うすぐらい独りの病室の雨音となる
usugurai hitori no byōshitsu no ama-oto to naru


Alone in the gloom
of my hospital room,
the sound of rainfall



降れば一日雨を見ている窓がある
fureba ichi-nichi ame o mite iru mado ga aru


The rain falls 
all day long
outside my window



うつむいて歩く街に影がない
utsumuite aruku machi ni kage ga nai


Head hung low,
I walk the streets
absent my shadow



何もできない身体で親不孝している 
nani mo dekinai karada de oyafukō shite iru


My body unable to do anything
other than be disobedient
to my parents



見上げればこんなに広い空がある 
miagereba kon’nani hiroi sora ga aru


I look up 
at the wide sky
there before me



わずかばかりの陽に来て人もスズメも
wazuka bakari no hi ni kite hito mo suzume mo


Under a thin sun
men and sparrows
warm themselves



貧乏ぐらしの雨がトタンたたいている 
binbō-gurashi no ame ga totan tataite iru


A life of poverty—
rain strikes
the tin roof



許されたシャワーが朝の虹 ζ なる
yurusareta shawā ga asa no niji to naru


Allowed a shower,
a morning rainbow appears



やせた身体ひとつたんねんにふいてやる
yaseta karada hitotsu tan’nen’ni fuite yaru


This thin body
is my only one—
I wash it thoroughly



父と子であり淋しい星を見ている
chichi to ko de ari sabishii hoshi o mite iru


Lonesome father and son
look up at the lonely stars



導くから貴女とわかる白いブラウス 
tōku kara anata to wakaru shiroi burausu


Even from a distance
I recognize
your white blouse



病んでいる耳に友の死を告げられた 
yande iru mimi ni tomo no shi o tsugerareta


In my deaf ear
I am told of the death 
of a friend



病んでいる足もと蟻が働きだした 
yande iru ashimoto ari ga hataraki-dashita


Sickness makes me stagger—
the ants at my feet
go to work



この坂を登れば夏が来そうな 
kono saka o noboreba natsu ga kisō na


From this hill I've climbed
summer approaches



かあちゃんが言えて母のない子よ 
kāchan ga iete haha no nai ko yo


You can cry out for mommy
yet you have no mother,
little boy



歩いても歩いても前を行くのが影 
aruite mo aruite mo mae o yuku no ga kage


I walk and walk and yet
my shadow precedes me



酔った月が出ている
yotta tsuki ga dete iru


A drunken moon 
hangs from the sky



初夏を大きくバッタがとんだ
shoka o ōkiku batta ga tonda


Early spring—
on a grand scale
a grasshopper leaps



日傘の影うすく恋をしている
higasa no kage usuku koi o shite iru


In the faint shadow 
of her parasol
I fall in love



登りつめた空の夏雲に続く 
noboritsumeta sora no natsu-gumo ni tsuzuku


Summit reached—
the sky leads me
to summer clouds



真夏の山がけずりとられた
manatsu no yama ga kezuri-torareta


Mountain charm 
whittled away
by summer



話のそれたボケヅトに手がある 
hanashi no soreta poketto ni te ga aru


The conversation wanders—
hands in my pockets



子には見せられない顔洗っている 
ko ni wa miserarenai kao aratte iru


Face washed—
I cannot show myself
to my son



無表情な空に組み立てられた黒い花輪だ 
muhyōjō na sora ni kumitaterareta kuroi hanawa da　


Black cemetery wreath—
callous sky



足早な夜が葬式の顔に深まる 
ashibayana yoru ga sōshiki no kao ni fukamaru


Night falls swiftly
on the faces
of the funeral procession



夜遅く帰って来た傘がたたまれる 
yoru osoku kaette kita kasa ga tatamareru


Returned home late at night,
umbrella folded up



誰もいない壁に近く坐る 
dare mo inai kabe ni chikaku suwaru


Nobody here—
I sit next to the wall



握りしめた夜に咳こむ 
nigirishimeta yoru ni sekikomu


I cling tight
to the evening—
cough and cough



再び会う君とこんなにも月が細い 
futatabi au kimi to kon’na ni mo tsuki ga hosoi


We meet again—
I look at you,
with the moon so thin



梅雨が冷たいストレッチャーに横たわる
tsuyu ga tsumetai sutorecchā ni yokotawaru


It is cold and rainy—
I lie upon a stretcher



病む視線低くつばめが飛ぶ 
yamu shisen hikuku tsubame ga tobu


I fall ill—
seen from my sickbed
a swallow flies low



淋しさと向かいあう今日の箸とる 
sabishisa to mukaiau kyō no hashi toru


Confronted with sadness—
I pick up my chopsticks



短い影の影といさかう 
mijikai kage no kage to isakau


A slight shadow
argues with another



一人の灯をあかあかと点けている 
hitori no hi o aka’akato tsukete iru


All alone,
I light up the room
brilliantly



聞こえない鳥が鳴いているという 
kikoenai tori ga naite iru to iu


My hearing lost,
the birds are still 
reputed to sing


Eric Hoffman / Sumitaku Kenshin: 試作帳その後 (Cont'd)

 
 

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